The "I Don't Know" Trap

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The "I Don't Know" Trap

How many times a week do you think you say "I don't know"?  

It may be more than you think.

Where do you want to go for dinner? - "I don't know, where do you wanna go?"
Hey what's wrong? - "Eh, I don't know"
What do you want to do with your life? "I DON'T FRIGGIN KNOW!!!"

Any of these sound familiar?

We say "I don't know" ALL THE TIME.  I say it.  I hear my friends say it.  I hear my clients say it. It's an easy out.  It lets our brain and heart off the hook... It's a safety phrase when we're nervous to say what we REALLY want.  But the thing is, you know WAY more than you're willing to admit and I've got the 4 secret words to unlock it.  Ready? This is life shattering stuff.  Deep breath.  Okay here's my $1,000,000 answer:

Pretend Like You Do

I say it to clients all the time when they give me a big fat "I don't know" after facing a juicy question.  "Pretend like you DO know, what would you say?" Or "Act like you're an expert at it, what do you see?" Sounds kinda simple, right?  You would be shocked to hear all of the amazing, thoughtful, BRILLIANT things people come up with when they're given permission to know.  Cuz guess what? YOU KNOW.


Where do you want to go for dinner? - "Girl, I want a big fat juicy burger"
Hey what's wrong? - "You really pissed me off when you didn't comment on my new bedazzled tankini"
What do you want to do with your life? - "I want to make gobs of money being artistically fulfilled and never see Winter again"

Try it out.  What's something you've been wrestling with lately that you "don't know" the answer to? Pretend like you know the answer.  Pretend like you're a fricken EXPERT at the answer. Give yourself 5 minutes to journal about the answer you've "pretended" to know about.  How's it look? I just about guarantee it looks better than the blank sheet of paper that's been staring at you for who-knows-how-long.

Wanna know even MORE?! (you're a knowing pro now)

Let's chat

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4 Life Coaching Myths: DEBUNKED!

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4 Life Coaching Myths: DEBUNKED!

When I say the words "Life Coach"  what comes to mind?  If you're like me before I experienced coaching for myself it's something like...

A perfectly peaceful far-too-smiley person gallivanting slow motion through a field of daisies spouting out trite phrases of enlightenment to the sounds an uplifting soundtrack. 

Yes? No? Just me?  

Well today we're gonna clear up some common misconceptions of Life Coaching... The answers may surprise you

Kyle Post Life Coaching NYC Life Coach Myths

Myth 1) Life Coaches Have Perfect Lives!

My response: Hahaha (breath) hahaha.  Life isn't perfect. (Total let down, I know) Sadly, coaches don't have the mystical answer to make life great ALL the time. If they say they do... Run away. I can 100% guarantee you (a bold claim, I know) that every life coach has gotten paralyzed by fear of failure, been a dark could of pessimism about life, or just plain acted like an asshole. 

"But how could I trust someone who doesn't have it all together?" You ask. Well let me answer your question with another question (I'm tricky that way). Do you want someone on your team who's only capable of understanding the rosy (easy) parts of life? Or someone who has great compassion for the muck and mire (difficult) parts that arise as well and lovingly offers a rope to firmer ground?

Myth 2)  Life Coaches are Therapists!

My response: Absolutely not. A good coach will go through hundreds of hours of training by certified masters in the field, but that does not make us experts at everything.  There are some things we are not trained (or licensed) to handle.  A general rule of thumb is that therapy deals with your past to bring you to a fully functional place in the present, and coaching meets you at that fully functional place and asks "Where do you want to go from here?"  A lot of times that process can be very therapeutic, but it's not a substitute for therapy. 

Myth 3: You NEED a Life Coach!

My response:  Nope. As a coach, I hold to the belief that you are a naturally creative, resourceful and WHOLE person. You on your own. With or without a coach. Read that again: You, right now reading this blog are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. Those things you want to make happen? The answers are in YOU. What a relief, right? Life coaching is there to point a spotlight on those answers and give you tools to EXPLODE that creativity resourcefulness and your whole being on your life and the world around you. You don't need it. But it sounds pretty awesome doesn't it?

Myth 4) Life Coaching Fixes Your Problems! 

My response in proverb form: Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.

life coaching with Kyle Post NYC The Matrix

Say what? Get ready for some matrix-like thinking: As a coach, I'm not here to give you advice on how to become the world famous chef you're dying to become, tell you how to interact better with coworkers, or buy you a treadmill to help you lose weight. Those are "fix it" answers. Those last abouuuuut 10 minutes to 1 week. I'm here to empower, shine a light on what you rock at, lean you into what you're scared of... so that over time you actually see yourself as BIGGER than your problems. When you're bigger than your problems, you get to reach out and conquer the SHIT out of them... For a lifetime. 

So now we know what it's NOT

Want to experience what coaching IS?

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3 Life Lessons from Gatorland

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3 Life Lessons from Gatorland

Yes you read that right.  Life lessons from Gatorland

7 years ago, my best friend Stacey and I nabbed the craziest job ever: To experience and blog/FB/Twitter about every attraction in Orlando Florida in 67 days.  Over 120 attractions to be exact.  Disney, Universal, swimming with Dolphins, skydiving, spas, Pirate themed dinner restaurants... you name it.  And of ALLL of those 120 attractions, which one do I look back on with the most warm-fuzzy feelings?

Gatorland.

Why?

(get ready for the life lessons)

1: DOING, IN SPITE OF FEAR = LIVING

I regret to tell you that my terror in that video was not a show… it was poop my pants terror. Yet somehow it's the day that I have the best memories of.  By becoming potential alligator bait, I learned that doing something in SPITE of fear (not pretending it wasn't there) makes me feel... ALIVE! So often we avoid the things we're afraid of because we're certain they will kill us (and sometimes we're correct) but what if DOING the things we're afraid of GAVE us life? Hmmmmm. 

2: AUTHENTICITY IS MAGIC

The Gatorland video got more attention than any of the hundreds of posts that we did.  Why? My sneaking suspicion is because we weren't trying to be anything other than exactly what we were: TERRIFIED. People respond to that.  We live in a society that tells us exposing who we truly are (not just the Instagram worthy stuff) is a nonstop express ticket to failure… But actually, it's the doorway to so much more. Everyone gets scared.  Everyone gets sad.  Everyone gets elated.  Everyone gets d) all of the above +1,000,000 other things.  Sharing authenticity is like a sigh of relief because we get to see our true selves in others. And we looooooove that. 

3: SUPPORT IS VITAL

I don't know if I would have gotten into those gator gallows without my best friend by my side.  But I DO know that having her by my side made it SO much easier and SO much more fun.  Knowing she was in the pen with me made it 100X easier to face my fear of becoming gator kibble.  I did more that day than I ever expected because I had a teammate rooting me on through the insanity.

NOW FOR THE TAKE AWAY

1) Where are you letting fear dictate your experience of being ALIVE?

2) Where are you holding back your AUTHENTICITY?

3 Where can you use SUPPORT in making something happen?

leave a comment below or email me at kylepostcoaching@gmail.com

later gators! (I couldn't help it)

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