You are Judge Judy
You may not have a gavel or dated permed-bob-hairdo...
But you are Judge Judy
You judge the person who cut you off on the highway. You judge your co-worker's sketchy Instagram account. You do. I do. We all do.
But here's where it gets really sinister:
You judge yourself
You judge yourself so much, so often and so harshly.
I recently had an eye opening session with a client who had just started working at a job she'd always dreamed of. While she was fulfilled by many aspects of the new gig, it turned out some parts of her "dream job" were not so savory: She felt constrained by her workspace, had a bat shit crazy boss, and felt like she was being micromanaged nonstop.
Her comments looked something like this:
"I should just be grateful for this job, that's what my friends and family keep saying!"
"I want to be positive about it, but I just keep thinking I shouldn't be complaining about a job I wanted so bad!"
I told her it sounded like she was judging herself for not having the perfect experience at her dream job.
She paused and agreed
I asked "What percent of your turmoil here is being caused by judging yourself?"
Cue 30 seconds of radio silence until she finally answered:
60-70% of the turmoil at her new job was caused not by her boss, or her cramped workspace... but by HER. It was caused by judging how she thought she "should or shouldn't" be feeling. The second she saw that, the whole thing opened up and we were able to work together to create a life at her imperfect-dream-job that she was inspired by.
We Are Judge Judy
We judge how we're feeling, how we're not feeling, how we should be feeling, how we shouldn't be feeling, what we're eating, what we're not eating, what we should be eating, what we look like, what we don't look like, what we shouldn't look like, what we say, what we didn't say, what we shouldn't say...
and it's FUCKING exhausting
It can be SO exhausting that we aren't able to focus on the REAL problems we're facing because we're so damn busy judging ourselves.
So my questions to you are:
Where are you Judge Judying yourself?*
What would it be like to let go of the self-judgements?
What space would that create for you?
*Note: Acknowledging shortcomings/taking responsibility are NOT THE SAME AS JUDGE JUDYING*