Top 100 on the Web!

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Top 100 on the Web!

The Wildly Authentic Blog was just awarded

"Top 100 Life Coach Blogs on the Web"

By Feedspot 

How fun is THAT?!

Scroll on down past industry leading blog after blog (some of which I follow and deeply admire) and you'll find this 'lil old blog on the list!  #blessed #humbled #cheesyhashtag

When I started this blog just over a year ago I wanted to make something that spoke from my heart that hopefully spoke to my reader's hearts as well.  When I hear from people how something in the blog made them think, or changed their outlook, or gave them a little giggle it brightens my day.

So getting awarded Top 100 Life Coach Blogs makes me all:

Thanks so much for being a part of this blog! I hope you enjoy many more Wildly Authentic (slightly insane) posts to come :)

 

 

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You Are Judge Judy

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You Are Judge Judy

You are Judge Judy

You may not have a gavel or dated permed-bob-hairdo...

But you are Judge Judy

You judge the person who cut you off on the highway.  You judge your co-worker's sketchy Instagram account.  You do.  I do.  We all do.  

But here's where it gets really sinister:

You judge yourself

You judge yourself so much, so often and so harshly.

I recently had an eye opening session with a client who had just started working at a job she'd always dreamed of. While she was fulfilled by many aspects of the new gig,  it turned out some parts of her "dream job" were not so savory: She felt constrained by her workspace, had a bat shit crazy boss, and felt like she was being micromanaged nonstop. 

Her comments looked something like this:

"I should just be grateful for this job, that's what my friends and family keep saying!"

"I want to be positive about it, but I just keep thinking I shouldn't be complaining about a job I wanted so bad!"


I told her it sounded like she was judging herself for not having the perfect experience at her dream job.

She paused and agreed

I asked "What percent of your turmoil here is being caused by judging yourself?"

Cue 30 seconds of radio silence until she finally answered: 

60-70%


60-70% of the turmoil at her new job was caused not by her boss, or her cramped workspace... but by HER. It was caused by judging how she thought she "should or shouldn't" be feeling.  The second she saw that, the whole thing opened up and we were able to work together to create a life at her imperfect-dream-job that she was inspired by.

We Are Judge Judy

We judge how we're feeling, how we're not feeling, how we should be feeling, how we shouldn't be feeling, what we're eating, what we're not eating, what we should be eating, what we look like, what we don't look like, what we shouldn't look like, what we say, what we didn't say, what we shouldn't say...

and it's FUCKING exhausting

It can be SO exhausting that we aren't able to focus on the REAL problems we're facing because we're so damn busy judging ourselves.

 

So my questions to you are: 

Where are you Judge Judying yourself?*

What would it be like to let go of the self-judgements?

What space would that create for you?

 

 

*Note: Acknowledging shortcomings/taking responsibility are NOT THE SAME AS JUDGE JUDYING* 

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Expanding Our Emotional Vocabulary

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Expanding Our Emotional Vocabulary

Ever had an emotion that you just can't quite put your finger on?

"It's like... I feel like... you know... ugh, like..." 

Cut to having an existential meltdown in a Starbucks over not being able to pinpoint how you're feeling. No? Just me? 

Turns out, there's TONS of definitions for emotions that we don't even have in the English language.  Get into some of these:

  • Mbuki-mvuki (Bantu) – The irresistible urge to “shuck off your clothes as you dance” (been there)

  • Iktsuarpok (Inuit) – The anticipation one feels when waiting for someone, whereby one keeps going outside to check if they have arrived

  • Shinrin-yoku (Japanese) – the relaxation gained from bathing in the forest, figuratively or literally

  • Sehnsucht (German) – “life-longings”, an intense desire for alternative states and realisations of life, even if they are unattainable


A tool I love to use with clients when they're emotionally tongue tied is EMBODIMENT.

Sometimes our bodies know more than our minds do. They instinctivelly have the answer to our Alexithymia (difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses).  

Here's a few questions to ask yourself the next time you're feeling emotionally constipated:

"Where do I feel the emotion in my body?" 

"What color is it?"

"Whats is its temperature?"

"What does it make my body want to do?" (Then go ahead and do that)

You might be surprised how quickly the emotional answers come out when you give your body a chance to express them


So what's the point?

The point is - we're not computers... we are, by design emotional BEINGS.  So many times in life we are so concerned with DOING things that we breeze right over how we're feeling.  Taking time to get in touch with our emotions and giving them a name - an embodiment - allows us to fully experience those emotions and move through them.  We get to be humanBEINGS not humanDOINGS... and that allows for more:

Desbundar (Portuguese) – the shedding one’s inhibitions in having fun  

Yuan bei (Chinese) – a sense of complete and perfect accomplishment,

Sukha (Sanskrit) – genuine lasting happiness independent of circumstances

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PREACH QUEENS!

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PREACH QUEENS!

Ok raise your hand if you are obsessed with RuPaul's Drag Race (Kyle unabashedly waves hands in the air like he just don't care).

OK now raise your hand if you watched the finale of Drag Race Allstars Season 2 and GAGGED when you saw Ru and Katya DIRECTLY talk about life coaching skills (cue more waving, finger snapping and lip smacks).

Missed it?

Here it is baby:

Sound familiar?

Kinda like a blog post about STRANGER VOICES?

Drag Life Coaching... could it be the world's newest craze? 

 

 

 

Possibly... possibly

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STRANGER VOICES

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STRANGER VOICES

Gremlins  Vampires   Demigorgons

No, these aren't the characters of a new Netflix sci-fi 80's themed spinoff... They're creatures we are FAR more intimate with.  Slippery, slimy villians that cause so much anxiety, grief, and anguish in our lives, Winona Ryder wouldn't dare tackle them - not even in her best heavily pocketed army green jacket. 

These insidious voices aren't behind walls or under beds, and they certainly aren't strangers... cuz they've set up camp in our own heads - And they feed on our dreams.  They're the ones that say things like "You're not enough", "They're gonna laugh at you", "You're a fool to even try".  Sound familiar? Yeah, I know.  We all have them. Me, you, Winona.  They speak to all of us.

These voices are there for a reason.  They keep us in place. They keep us from potentially getting hurt.  They keep us from rocking the boat.  SOMETIMES that's a good thing.


BRAIN: Hey you wanna jump out of this airplane without a parachute?

DEMIGORGON: NOOOOO THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA! STAY PUT!

But more often than not it looks more like this:

BRAIN: Hey you wanna start that painting you've always been wanting to make?

DEMIGORGON: NOOOO THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA! STAY PUT! (you idiot)


SO how do you overcome the voices?

Here's a few steps

1: Acknowledge they exist

       Those monsters behind the wall--- THEY ARE THERE. Running around acting like they don't exist is fruitless. Plug in the lights and SHINE it on them.  What do they say to YOU? What do they sound like? When do they pop up the most? 

2: ACKNOWLEDGE they aren't the truth

       They're monster voices.  They want you to believe they're always right and will feed on your dreams as long as you're convinced they are the capital T TRUTH... But what if they're not?

3: ACKNOWLEDGE ANOTHER VOICE

       Thank my lucky 11s, there IS another voice.  It's just as much a part of you as the monsters (though you may not be as good at listening to it). The voice that believes in you completely and without question. That has been there and back again and holds you with WISDOM, COMPASSION, CLARITY and CERTAINTY

4: DEFY THEM

       Do something you want to do IN SPITE of the gremlins. Want to make a painting but you're hearing voices that say you suck? Acknowledge the voice, assert it may not be the truth, key in to that OTHER voice and then make the painting ANYWAYS.  The more you defy the monsters, the quieter they become over time.  The more you flex the muscles of DOING/BEING what YOU say you want, the better you will become at quieting that demigorgon and sending it running back to the Upside Down where it belongs.

Want some help in the battle, Winona?

It's what I do.  It's what I LIIIIIVE FOR

Email Me

OR

*Thank you for indulging my inner Stranger Things fan-boy. If none of this blog made sense, go watch it and then re-read*

     

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The "I Don't Know" Trap

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The "I Don't Know" Trap

How many times a week do you think you say "I don't know"?  

It may be more than you think.

Where do you want to go for dinner? - "I don't know, where do you wanna go?"
Hey what's wrong? - "Eh, I don't know"
What do you want to do with your life? "I DON'T FRIGGIN KNOW!!!"

Any of these sound familiar?

We say "I don't know" ALL THE TIME.  I say it.  I hear my friends say it.  I hear my clients say it. It's an easy out.  It lets our brain and heart off the hook... It's a safety phrase when we're nervous to say what we REALLY want.  But the thing is, you know WAY more than you're willing to admit and I've got the 4 secret words to unlock it.  Ready? This is life shattering stuff.  Deep breath.  Okay here's my $1,000,000 answer:

Pretend Like You Do

I say it to clients all the time when they give me a big fat "I don't know" after facing a juicy question.  "Pretend like you DO know, what would you say?" Or "Act like you're an expert at it, what do you see?" Sounds kinda simple, right?  You would be shocked to hear all of the amazing, thoughtful, BRILLIANT things people come up with when they're given permission to know.  Cuz guess what? YOU KNOW.


Where do you want to go for dinner? - "Girl, I want a big fat juicy burger"
Hey what's wrong? - "You really pissed me off when you didn't comment on my new bedazzled tankini"
What do you want to do with your life? - "I want to make gobs of money being artistically fulfilled and never see Winter again"

Try it out.  What's something you've been wrestling with lately that you "don't know" the answer to? Pretend like you know the answer.  Pretend like you're a fricken EXPERT at the answer. Give yourself 5 minutes to journal about the answer you've "pretended" to know about.  How's it look? I just about guarantee it looks better than the blank sheet of paper that's been staring at you for who-knows-how-long.

Wanna know even MORE?! (you're a knowing pro now)

Let's chat

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4 Life Coaching Myths: DEBUNKED!

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4 Life Coaching Myths: DEBUNKED!

When I say the words "Life Coach"  what comes to mind?  If you're like me before I experienced coaching for myself it's something like...

A perfectly peaceful far-too-smiley person gallivanting slow motion through a field of daisies spouting out trite phrases of enlightenment to the sounds an uplifting soundtrack. 

Yes? No? Just me?  

Well today we're gonna clear up some common misconceptions of Life Coaching... The answers may surprise you

Kyle Post Life Coaching NYC Life Coach Myths

Myth 1) Life Coaches Have Perfect Lives!

My response: Hahaha (breath) hahaha.  Life isn't perfect. (Total let down, I know) Sadly, coaches don't have the mystical answer to make life great ALL the time. If they say they do... Run away. I can 100% guarantee you (a bold claim, I know) that every life coach has gotten paralyzed by fear of failure, been a dark could of pessimism about life, or just plain acted like an asshole. 

"But how could I trust someone who doesn't have it all together?" You ask. Well let me answer your question with another question (I'm tricky that way). Do you want someone on your team who's only capable of understanding the rosy (easy) parts of life? Or someone who has great compassion for the muck and mire (difficult) parts that arise as well and lovingly offers a rope to firmer ground?

Myth 2)  Life Coaches are Therapists!

My response: Absolutely not. A good coach will go through hundreds of hours of training by certified masters in the field, but that does not make us experts at everything.  There are some things we are not trained (or licensed) to handle.  A general rule of thumb is that therapy deals with your past to bring you to a fully functional place in the present, and coaching meets you at that fully functional place and asks "Where do you want to go from here?"  A lot of times that process can be very therapeutic, but it's not a substitute for therapy. 

Myth 3: You NEED a Life Coach!

My response:  Nope. As a coach, I hold to the belief that you are a naturally creative, resourceful and WHOLE person. You on your own. With or without a coach. Read that again: You, right now reading this blog are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. Those things you want to make happen? The answers are in YOU. What a relief, right? Life coaching is there to point a spotlight on those answers and give you tools to EXPLODE that creativity resourcefulness and your whole being on your life and the world around you. You don't need it. But it sounds pretty awesome doesn't it?

Myth 4) Life Coaching Fixes Your Problems! 

My response in proverb form: Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.

life coaching with Kyle Post NYC The Matrix

Say what? Get ready for some matrix-like thinking: As a coach, I'm not here to give you advice on how to become the world famous chef you're dying to become, tell you how to interact better with coworkers, or buy you a treadmill to help you lose weight. Those are "fix it" answers. Those last abouuuuut 10 minutes to 1 week. I'm here to empower, shine a light on what you rock at, lean you into what you're scared of... so that over time you actually see yourself as BIGGER than your problems. When you're bigger than your problems, you get to reach out and conquer the SHIT out of them... For a lifetime. 

So now we know what it's NOT

Want to experience what coaching IS?

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3 Life Lessons from Gatorland

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3 Life Lessons from Gatorland

Yes you read that right.  Life lessons from Gatorland

7 years ago, my best friend Stacey and I nabbed the craziest job ever: To experience and blog/FB/Twitter about every attraction in Orlando Florida in 67 days.  Over 120 attractions to be exact.  Disney, Universal, swimming with Dolphins, skydiving, spas, Pirate themed dinner restaurants... you name it.  And of ALLL of those 120 attractions, which one do I look back on with the most warm-fuzzy feelings?

Gatorland.

Why?

(get ready for the life lessons)

1: DOING, IN SPITE OF FEAR = LIVING

I regret to tell you that my terror in that video was not a show… it was poop my pants terror. Yet somehow it's the day that I have the best memories of.  By becoming potential alligator bait, I learned that doing something in SPITE of fear (not pretending it wasn't there) makes me feel... ALIVE! So often we avoid the things we're afraid of because we're certain they will kill us (and sometimes we're correct) but what if DOING the things we're afraid of GAVE us life? Hmmmmm. 

2: AUTHENTICITY IS MAGIC

The Gatorland video got more attention than any of the hundreds of posts that we did.  Why? My sneaking suspicion is because we weren't trying to be anything other than exactly what we were: TERRIFIED. People respond to that.  We live in a society that tells us exposing who we truly are (not just the Instagram worthy stuff) is a nonstop express ticket to failure… But actually, it's the doorway to so much more. Everyone gets scared.  Everyone gets sad.  Everyone gets elated.  Everyone gets d) all of the above +1,000,000 other things.  Sharing authenticity is like a sigh of relief because we get to see our true selves in others. And we looooooove that. 

3: SUPPORT IS VITAL

I don't know if I would have gotten into those gator gallows without my best friend by my side.  But I DO know that having her by my side made it SO much easier and SO much more fun.  Knowing she was in the pen with me made it 100X easier to face my fear of becoming gator kibble.  I did more that day than I ever expected because I had a teammate rooting me on through the insanity.

NOW FOR THE TAKE AWAY

1) Where are you letting fear dictate your experience of being ALIVE?

2) Where are you holding back your AUTHENTICITY?

3 Where can you use SUPPORT in making something happen?

leave a comment below or email me at kylepostcoaching@gmail.com

later gators! (I couldn't help it)

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