3 Game-Changing Life Secrets I Learned on My Way to Broadway Drag Realness

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3 Game-Changing Life Secrets I Learned on My Way to Broadway Drag Realness

Hi readers! I recently wrote a guest blog post for my favorite gym in the world, Mark Fisher Fitness.  If you haven't heard of them... FOLLOW THIS LINK!  They are the most loving, caring, knowledgeable, zany, ridiculous gym you will ever find.  Working with them is a piece of what inspired me to become a coach.  I’m teaching a workshop with them Feb 25 2018 11am in NYC.
Sign up here! Enjoy the blog!

Before we start today, I need you to get a VERY clear mental picture of the life coach who is currently writing this blog.

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I’m a grown man, makeup covering my face, shirtless, in a pair of flesh toned tights looking like a strange version of a naked Barbie doll

So how did I get here and why the hell am I writing a blog in this state? VERY good questions, friend.

The answer is: I discovered some secrets of life in my journey to this place and I’m here to share them with you. Those secrets are:

  1. We SHOW UP when we allow ourselves to play.
  2. We all have voices in our heads.
  3. We can choose which voice to empower— and that makes all the difference in the world.

First, let’s back up a few years…

Category Is: Flashback

There I am, a very non-dancer in an audition room full of Broadway’s best male dancers all vying for six coveted roles in a highly hyped show coming to Broadway.

The Tony Award-winning director/choreographer shows us the dance combination. The first bit I can totally do.

“Whew, I got this. Maybe I won’t blow it like I do most dance calls.”

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Then… Then comes a double pirouette (which I can’t do) into a cartwheel (which I can’t do) into the splits (which I DEFINITELY can’t do).

A lump forms in my throat, a knot grows in my stomach and an all too familiar voice whispers in my ear, “You can’t do this. You’re gonna to look so stupid. You should just grab your bag, duck out of the room and go home right now.”

I instinctively feel my hands reach for my bag as my eyes search for an escape route when out of nowhere another voice dials in, “Hey Kyle, you are not quitting. You can either finish this dance call, not look like everyone else and HATE every second of it, or you can finish this dance call, not look like everyone else and find a way to have FUN.”

I quickly grab a piece of gum out of my bag. When we get called to do the dance in groups of three with everyone watching, I pop the piece of gum in my mouth and start chomping for the gods. I happily chomp through the first section that I could do, creating a fun ditzy character on the spot.

When it comes to the pirouette-cartwheel-splits trifecta from hell… I stand in the dead center of the room, pull the gum out of my mouth and twist it around my fingers squawking, “Wooooork giiiiirl,” as I watch the other two dancers around me successfully nail the bit I couldn’t dream of doing.

I finish the audition and turn to my friend with a grin and say, “I’m either going to book this, or never work in this town again.”

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Little did I know, that decision not to quit and decide to have fun would land me a role as an original Angel in Kinky Boots on Broadway where I currently sit in naked Barbie regalia writing this blog.

The moment I realized I had a CHOICE which voice to empower is what inspired me to become a trained life coach. My goal is to help people quiet the vampire voices, empower their inner badass, and chomp their proverbial gum towards living a life they adore.

So let’s unpack three life secrets I learned from that audition, shall we?

Have Fun in the Face of Fear

 

We show up when we grant ourselves permission to play. Wait, pause the TIVO. Rewind.

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This is a big one and one of the reasons I love Mark Fisher Fitness so much. They excel at this.

Playing, having fun, and acting like a little kid releases our need to get it right. It opens up a new space in our minds and bodies to explore, and that’s a big fucking deal.

It’s not just about physically showing up: to work, auditions, first dates, the gym. It’s about showing up as our authentic, vulnerable, quirky, colorful, funky, perfectly imperfect selves.

The bigger the fear we face, the more we instinctively want to shrink away from it. Remember that moment before doing your first heavy-ass deadlift?

But what I learned in that gum-chomp moment was that finding a way to have FUN in the face of fear allows us to access all of the things we love about ourselves and that shit is infectious.

The confidence in showing up as your playful, authentic self is like a magnet for what you want. And it’s visible to everyone around you.

Imagine something you’re facing right now that sounds daunting. What would it be like to grant yourself permission to play?!

We All Have Voices

We all have voices in our heads – one voice that tells us we suck and another that tells us the opposite.

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Call it what you want: a saboteur, gremlin, vampire, inner critic. Every human being since the dawn of time has an internal voice that whispers nasty things about ourselves.

Mine told me I was going to look dumb so I should quit. That voice’s purpose is to keep us from rocking the boat and it will be with us until we die. The closer we get to what we really want, the louder that voice gets.

The good news is – there’s another voice. Some call it their inner leader, higher voice, captain, or superhero. It’s a voice of wisdom, clarity, courage and compassion.

This is the voice in your mind and heart that has been there and back again and believes in you completely. It’s been with you your entire life and is as much a part of you as the gremlins.

This voice told me, “You’re not quitting, take a risk show them who you really are.”

You Change the World When You Change Your Voice

Choosing which voice to empower makes all the difference in the world. We are not the voices in our heads, and the voices are not the absolute truth. They’re just that, voices.

But here’s the thing, when we’re aware of what they are, we have a choice which voice to empower. Had I listened to my self-sabotaging voice, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be backstage at Kinky Boots writing this to you. And there’s absolutely no chance I would have allowed myself to grab that piece of gum and have fun in the face of fear.

The more conscious of each voice we become, the more of a weekly, daily, hourly—on a moment’s notice—CHOICE we have over which voice to give power to.

What do you want in life? What are the voices in your head saying about that desire? Which voice will empower you the most? And what difference would it make to add some fun and play along the way?


Want some help with those voices?

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SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN!

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SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN!

Over the years I have gotten to coach some incredible clients. I thought I would showcase some of them and what they have graciously shared about their experience coaching together (though it's not really a showdown cuz everyone's a winner).

let's get started!


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DEVON YATES

COME ON DOWN!!!

(Cue Price is Right music)

This is Devon (and a cute dog).  Devon is a fearless, BADASS woman. When she walks in the room, you know you're in the presence of a powerhouse.  She's the light at the end of the tunnel that lets you know you're not alone. Singer, songwriter, caregiver extraordinaire and all around bombshell - DEVON!


Here's what she has to say about Kyle Post Coaching:

"I have been with Kyle for about 6 months now...and quite honestly I didn't know how much I needed it until my first session. Money was tight, schedules were busy, and I felt lost. I needed to find direction again. My life has been different since I first walked through his doors.
Kyle doesn't tell you how to feel. He doesn't sit there brooding asking, "and how do you FEEL about that." He doesn't hold you while you cry, rub your back and say, "awwwww." Instead, he helps YOU figure it out. He lets you feel what you need to feel then asks YOU how you want to proceed. He works WITH you together to build that map which helps YOU decide which step to take next whether it be financial, career, love, life...(literally anything).
He has helped me create a Tool Box of life, with many tools that I can access when I need it the most. He has become my unbiased guardian angel, if you will, and I wouldn't trade one moment of my time with him for anything. I notice a huge difference in myself in these few short months we've been together...and I can't wait to continue to grow."

I definitely teared up reading that one.  Thank you Devon for being the kind, trusting, loyal powerhouse woman you are and for sharing your experience coaching together!

Interested in coaching together?

and let's chat

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Fun with Failure

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Fun with Failure

I often start my first session with clients with a question: "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"  It's so much fun to hear the list of beautiful/crazy/amazing/inspiring ideas flow freely from them... Another winner is: "What would you be willing to fail OVER and OVER and OVER for?"  Things tend to get a little deeper there when they hone down on what it is in their life that is WORTH facing the thought of failure. 

Today my question is:

What is your relationship to failure? 

Are you buddies? Enemies? Frienemies?

Our relationship with failure can get real dark.  It can cause total self paralysis and self judgement.  It can keep us from doing what we say we want in life. It can make us try to convince ourselves and others that we're actually PERFECT and have never failed and never will fail and Couldn'tEvenImagineFailingEverInOurLivesBecauseWe'rePerfectSoTHERE! (Good luck with that)

Notice I didn't say FAILURE does all of those things.  Failure actually doesn't do ANY of those things.  Our dysfunctional RELATIONSHIP to failure does those things.  OOOOooooooo. 

So what if failure was actually a step closer to getting what you want? If it allowed for learning? What if failure had a feeling of PLAY? What if you could have fun with failure?

Here's an assignment I've given clients

if you're up for it I'm posing it to you:

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Go to your local craft/office supply store.  Find the silliest dumbest most Lisa Frank 7th grade Trapper Keeper stickers you can... let's say 50 of them. Carry the stickers around with you at all times, and give yourself a gold star/monster truck/bedazzled dolphin swimming over a rainbow sticker every time you fail for a WEEK and actually try to get rid of all 50 stickers in one week. 

Got pissy with your boyfriend for no reason? FAIL! STICKER! Tried a new recipe for dinner and it caught on fire? FAIL! STICKER! Went to an audition and totally cracked on the high note? FAIL! STICKER! Forgot to count a failure and give yourself a sticker? FAIL! STICKER!

This assignment is not about counting failures- it's about changing our RELATIONSHIP to it so that instead of self-paralysis and not doing what we want to do, we can have a little fun with it and see it's not such a big deal in the first place.  It's just failure.  That's it.  The rest is the story we've attached to it... so go attach a big fat fuzzy sticker instead of the dark story that's keeping you from doing what you love with full authenticity and self expression.

Go fail! Have fun! Let me know how it goes, I'd love to hear

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Top 100 on the Web!

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Top 100 on the Web!

The Wildly Authentic Blog was just awarded

"Top 100 Life Coach Blogs on the Web"

By Feedspot 

How fun is THAT?!

Scroll on down past industry leading blog after blog (some of which I follow and deeply admire) and you'll find this 'lil old blog on the list!  #blessed #humbled #cheesyhashtag

When I started this blog just over a year ago I wanted to make something that spoke from my heart that hopefully spoke to my reader's hearts as well.  When I hear from people how something in the blog made them think, or changed their outlook, or gave them a little giggle it brightens my day.

So getting awarded Top 100 Life Coach Blogs makes me all:

Thanks so much for being a part of this blog! I hope you enjoy many more Wildly Authentic (slightly insane) posts to come :)

 

 

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You Are Judge Judy

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You Are Judge Judy

You are Judge Judy

You may not have a gavel or dated permed-bob-hairdo...

But you are Judge Judy

You judge the person who cut you off on the highway.  You judge your co-worker's sketchy Instagram account.  You do.  I do.  We all do.  

But here's where it gets really sinister:

You judge yourself

You judge yourself so much, so often and so harshly.

I recently had an eye opening session with a client who had just started working at a job she'd always dreamed of. While she was fulfilled by many aspects of the new gig,  it turned out some parts of her "dream job" were not so savory: She felt constrained by her workspace, had a bat shit crazy boss, and felt like she was being micromanaged nonstop. 

Her comments looked something like this:

"I should just be grateful for this job, that's what my friends and family keep saying!"

"I want to be positive about it, but I just keep thinking I shouldn't be complaining about a job I wanted so bad!"


I told her it sounded like she was judging herself for not having the perfect experience at her dream job.

She paused and agreed

I asked "What percent of your turmoil here is being caused by judging yourself?"

Cue 30 seconds of radio silence until she finally answered: 

60-70%


60-70% of the turmoil at her new job was caused not by her boss, or her cramped workspace... but by HER. It was caused by judging how she thought she "should or shouldn't" be feeling.  The second she saw that, the whole thing opened up and we were able to work together to create a life at her imperfect-dream-job that she was inspired by.

We Are Judge Judy

We judge how we're feeling, how we're not feeling, how we should be feeling, how we shouldn't be feeling, what we're eating, what we're not eating, what we should be eating, what we look like, what we don't look like, what we shouldn't look like, what we say, what we didn't say, what we shouldn't say...

and it's FUCKING exhausting

It can be SO exhausting that we aren't able to focus on the REAL problems we're facing because we're so damn busy judging ourselves.

 

So my questions to you are: 

Where are you Judge Judying yourself?*

What would it be like to let go of the self-judgements?

What space would that create for you?

 

 

*Note: Acknowledging shortcomings/taking responsibility are NOT THE SAME AS JUDGE JUDYING* 

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Expanding Our Emotional Vocabulary

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Expanding Our Emotional Vocabulary

Ever had an emotion that you just can't quite put your finger on?

"It's like... I feel like... you know... ugh, like..." 

Cut to having an existential meltdown in a Starbucks over not being able to pinpoint how you're feeling. No? Just me? 

Turns out, there's TONS of definitions for emotions that we don't even have in the English language.  Get into some of these:

  • Mbuki-mvuki (Bantu) – The irresistible urge to “shuck off your clothes as you dance” (been there)

  • Iktsuarpok (Inuit) – The anticipation one feels when waiting for someone, whereby one keeps going outside to check if they have arrived

  • Shinrin-yoku (Japanese) – the relaxation gained from bathing in the forest, figuratively or literally

  • Sehnsucht (German) – “life-longings”, an intense desire for alternative states and realisations of life, even if they are unattainable


A tool I love to use with clients when they're emotionally tongue tied is EMBODIMENT.

Sometimes our bodies know more than our minds do. They instinctivelly have the answer to our Alexithymia (difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses).  

Here's a few questions to ask yourself the next time you're feeling emotionally constipated:

"Where do I feel the emotion in my body?" 

"What color is it?"

"Whats is its temperature?"

"What does it make my body want to do?" (Then go ahead and do that)

You might be surprised how quickly the emotional answers come out when you give your body a chance to express them


So what's the point?

The point is - we're not computers... we are, by design emotional BEINGS.  So many times in life we are so concerned with DOING things that we breeze right over how we're feeling.  Taking time to get in touch with our emotions and giving them a name - an embodiment - allows us to fully experience those emotions and move through them.  We get to be humanBEINGS not humanDOINGS... and that allows for more:

Desbundar (Portuguese) – the shedding one’s inhibitions in having fun  

Yuan bei (Chinese) – a sense of complete and perfect accomplishment,

Sukha (Sanskrit) – genuine lasting happiness independent of circumstances

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PREACH QUEENS!

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PREACH QUEENS!

Ok raise your hand if you are obsessed with RuPaul's Drag Race (Kyle unabashedly waves hands in the air like he just don't care).

OK now raise your hand if you watched the finale of Drag Race Allstars Season 2 and GAGGED when you saw Ru and Katya DIRECTLY talk about life coaching skills (cue more waving, finger snapping and lip smacks).

Missed it?

Here it is baby:

Sound familiar?

Kinda like a blog post about STRANGER VOICES?

Drag Life Coaching... could it be the world's newest craze? 

 

 

 

Possibly... possibly

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STRANGER VOICES

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STRANGER VOICES

Gremlins  Vampires   Demigorgons

No, these aren't the characters of a new Netflix sci-fi 80's themed spinoff... They're creatures we are FAR more intimate with.  Slippery, slimy villians that cause so much anxiety, grief, and anguish in our lives, Winona Ryder wouldn't dare tackle them - not even in her best heavily pocketed army green jacket. 

These insidious voices aren't behind walls or under beds, and they certainly aren't strangers... cuz they've set up camp in our own heads - And they feed on our dreams.  They're the ones that say things like "You're not enough", "They're gonna laugh at you", "You're a fool to even try".  Sound familiar? Yeah, I know.  We all have them. Me, you, Winona.  They speak to all of us.

These voices are there for a reason.  They keep us in place. They keep us from potentially getting hurt.  They keep us from rocking the boat.  SOMETIMES that's a good thing.


BRAIN: Hey you wanna jump out of this airplane without a parachute?

DEMIGORGON: NOOOOO THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA! STAY PUT!

But more often than not it looks more like this:

BRAIN: Hey you wanna start that painting you've always been wanting to make?

DEMIGORGON: NOOOO THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA! STAY PUT! (you idiot)


SO how do you overcome the voices?

Here's a few steps

1: Acknowledge they exist

       Those monsters behind the wall--- THEY ARE THERE. Running around acting like they don't exist is fruitless. Plug in the lights and SHINE it on them.  What do they say to YOU? What do they sound like? When do they pop up the most? 

2: ACKNOWLEDGE they aren't the truth

       They're monster voices.  They want you to believe they're always right and will feed on your dreams as long as you're convinced they are the capital T TRUTH... But what if they're not?

3: ACKNOWLEDGE ANOTHER VOICE

       Thank my lucky 11s, there IS another voice.  It's just as much a part of you as the monsters (though you may not be as good at listening to it). The voice that believes in you completely and without question. That has been there and back again and holds you with WISDOM, COMPASSION, CLARITY and CERTAINTY

4: DEFY THEM

       Do something you want to do IN SPITE of the gremlins. Want to make a painting but you're hearing voices that say you suck? Acknowledge the voice, assert it may not be the truth, key in to that OTHER voice and then make the painting ANYWAYS.  The more you defy the monsters, the quieter they become over time.  The more you flex the muscles of DOING/BEING what YOU say you want, the better you will become at quieting that demigorgon and sending it running back to the Upside Down where it belongs.

Want some help in the battle, Winona?

It's what I do.  It's what I LIIIIIVE FOR

Email Me

OR

*Thank you for indulging my inner Stranger Things fan-boy. If none of this blog made sense, go watch it and then re-read*

     

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